just some nights

hi! Back with the mellow me. Or you can say "galau" :(

From past experiences, I came to be a little bit aware of my drastic mood-swing. During the day, I could be laughing my ass off and having fun with my folks, but end up crying at night over anything that can trigger my tears I mean, anything aside from sad movies etc. Leave them out -__-

I thought, being a girl, that is normal. It never occurred to me as a problem until my ex-bf brought it up. Hmmm that was a long time a go. And then my dad brought it up too lol. In my dad's case, I wasn't crying at night; it was in the evening, and I was suddenly full of tears right after waking up from a rather unexpected long nap - which I restricted myself to that day as I have many things to do - and my dad didn't wake me up because he wanted me to get some rest. I know he meant well but... Poor dad, he got so confused. 

So, I was feeling rather blue this whole week. Upset. Cried 3 nights in a row, then got a sore throat. SEE, nothing good comes out from being upset, I KNOW. I know that I have to be positive-thinking, but I can't help it sometimes. There's just too much pressure going on with me preparing for the choir competition in Arezzo, Italy, selling hopeless merchandises to earn the money for going to Italy, not being able to meet up with *coughs* him, hopeless love life ugh, having issues with my singing technique, and so on & so on..

I'll be honest, a bit. The trigger was *coughs* him.

Typical "boys being ignorant" and "girls being too sensitive" thing, you know.

So I'm guessing he doesn't even realize what he has done.

Anyway, that night when I was in tears, I felt so lost. I don't understand how to tell anyone about my problems. Because it's too personal. And because of that, I channeled it all by making this song. And channeled it to twitter too, as you can see my tweets on July 18. No mention.

Hang on, we can't call it a song yet coz I don't know how to compose a song.

So I made these lyrics. Titled "Just Some Nights"

Truly

I love you, I really do.

Just haven't picked the courage

to say I do, how 'bout you?

Daytime flutter by gently

as I entrust you with dreams.

Though the days aren't perfect I can be perfectly alright,

being given unmade promises.

But some nights

I feel like losing myself.

Some nights,

I feel alone in this cramped world

because some nights,

I feel like I'm losing you.

Can't tell

if you are a curse or a spell.

I keep on falling for you,

thinking of you, missing you,

just to find myself some nights

slipping into the same despair.

A story only I can tell to myself, I am sorry,

simply not your bedtime story.

On those nights,

I feel like losing myself.

Those nights,

I feel alone in this cramped world.

because those nights,

I feel like I'm losing you.

Your side is a mystery I long to cross.

If I could get this message to you,

"Don't let me go," that's what I'd say.

Truly

I love you, I really do.

How can something this beautiful crush me so bitter.

But most nights,

you are my stars.

Most nights,

I won't be scarred by the dark

because most nights,

I know you have me.